


Motionless - Part 4

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Motionless [5]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky's POV, Emotions, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Feels, Hurt Bucky Barnes, I'm Sorry, Light Angst, SO SORRY, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, but not yet, so many feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 08:16:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8242559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Reader gets shot in the back during a mission leaving her paralyzed from the waist down.





	

**Author's Note:**

> SAYING SORRY IN ADVANCE!!
> 
> This is in Bucky's POV, it just needs to be. Hope you have those tissues handy, because you're going to need them. If it made my sister cry (and it's hard to make her cry), yeah it's full of feels. Don't worry, fluffs coming, just........not yet.

“Goodnight Bucky.” I watched as she closed the door behind her. “(Y/N) wait!” I bolt out of bed after her, but by the time I opened the door, she was already gone. I didn’t understand what went wrong. Was it something I said? Something I did? We were doing just fine, everything was fine. One minute we fell asleep well spent, then the next she’s telling me we need a break? Does she not love me anymore? I felt as if my whole life was a dream, one that was ripped away from me. And I had no idea how to get it back. 

 

It’s been two weeks now, two very long weeks. (Y/N) didn’t look at me, not even once. It was as if I was invisible, non-existent. Whenever I’d enter the room, she always came up with some lame excuse to leave. And it hit me just as hard. The pain I felt was nothing compared to what HYDRA did to me, this pain was worse. It felt like I was drowning, being pulled down with no chance of coming back alive. My life felt meaningless without her around me. She was the one who made me wake up in the morning, make me feel human again, that I wasn’t just some weapon; but someone who could start over. Except, this time, I can’t start over. How can you start over when the love of your life leaves you with no explanation? 

 

It’s funny how someone tells you they love you and you can feel it coursing through you, but when they leave you, it feels as if they’re saying they don’t love you anymore. You can feel every ounce of what was drain out of your very being; leaving you empty, lost, devastated, broken. I watched as Natasha and Wanda walk with (Y/N) towards the common room. The sun lit up her face perfectly, she looked so beautiful. So radiant, so full of life. Her laugh was music to my ears, but who am I kidding? I could tell her act was a fake, the way her eyes searched every so often to make sure I wasn’t there. Her eyes empty and dull. What did I do to cause her so much pain? 

 

“Hey Bucky, you ready to train? I hear Sam’s getting a little bit rusty.” 

I notice Steve and Sam walk over to me, however, my thoughts were elsewhere. I watch as the girls laugh together on the couches from where I stood. I look at her and remember how she used to be mine, I remember all the memories we shared together and all the times we laughed. I remember how we didn’t need to speak, we’d just look into each other's eyes. I remember the way she used to make me smile after every tough mission. When I believed I was worthless, how I should’ve died when I fell off the train. How could I be so lucky to have her? (Y/N) was my everything, my hope, my joy. The only light source to bring me out of the dark. But now...now she slipped through my fingers and I have no idea why. I left my thoughts when Steve shook my shoulder.

 

“Bucky, hey man you okay?” I look away from where (Y/N) sat and turned to Steve. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” He raised his eyebrows at me, “You sure? You seemed a little out of it.” Sam elbowed my side, “Maybe Tin-Man here was enjoying eyeballing his woman. Since they can’t get enough of each other. So man, what’s got you all frazzled?” 

 

“None of your business Bird-Brain. Just back off.” I growled at him. Sam acting smart, he backed away, his hands raised in front of him. “Look, man sorry about that. My bad.” Steve made his way towards Sam’s side and crossed his arms. “Is it because of a nightmare Bucky? It’s going to be okay, you’re no longer there.” I glared from Sam to Steve. My life might as well be a nightmare because nothing is going right and there seemed to be no escape from the grief and torment that tore at my heart. 

“No Steve, it wasn’t a nightmare, but it might as well fucking be one.” 

 

Sam and Steve looked at me with confused expressions. “What are you saying?” I huff and push past them to head back towards the elevator. I was just about to reach the doors, when I felt my arm being yanked back, forcing me to turn around. “Bucky, something clearly is wrong. What do you mean ‘it might as well be one’?” By this time, everyone else in the common room’s attention was on us. (Y/N)’s attention was on us. On me. 

 

“Because, my life is one Steve!” I yank my arm from his grip. 

 

“For once in my HYDRA free life, I thought I actually had something to live for. A life worth waking up for. To get up, hang out with my stupid ass friends, be content to actually be alive, that I’m actually worth something.” I could see (Y/N) tense up, her eyes no longer focused on me, but rather the cup in her hand. The elevator doors open and I walk in, I held the doors open as they were about to close and looked one more time at (Y/N), before turning to Steve. 

 

“My life is a lie, everything is a figure of my imagination. Everything I thought I had, has been ripped away from me, Steve.” There was a flicker of pain in Steve’s eyes, but the pang of agony in my heart only grew. “No one cares for me and why should they? I’m the Winter Soldier. How could someone love me, let alone trust me?” I look over his shoulder and notice (Y/N) quickly look back down to the floor. After all I said, she still couldn’t even look at me. Nat must’ve noticed because her gaze flicked between me and (Y/N)’s quiet figure. Quickly putting the pieces together. I slowly drag my attention back to Steve, “I’m not sure if I can do this Steve. I don’t even know what to live for anymore.” I drop my hand and let the doors close in front of me. 

 

All the way up to my floor and as I walked into my room, I felt numb. I couldn’t feel anything, all capability of feeling love, joy or emotions seemed to be nonexistent. I walk past the picture frames lining the walls. All filled with a couple smiling, happy, on top of the world. They looked so perfect. We used to be perfect. But now we’re broken. The dam broke then, all the pain, anger that was repressed, bubbled up to the surface and I welcomed it. Lashing out, blinded by rage, I rip the frames off the walls, glass shattering all over the floor. My knees buckled underneath me, causing me to crash to the floor onto the broken glass. I didn’t notice how the glass sliced into my jeans, cut into my knees nor the blood seeping out of them. My chest tightened as I look at the damage I caused. I look down to see a broken frame in front of me, I pick it up, glass shards sliding off in the process and turned it over. New waves of emotion roll through me as I stare at the picture in my hand. 

  
It was taken the day after (Y/N) had her surgery. Her hair was in a messy pile on top of her head, dark circles under eyes, wearing a flimsy hospital gown. I didn’t care what (Y/N) looked like that day, she was the definition of beauty. I trace the outline of her face, studying her features. My shoulders shook as a sob tore through me. “Tell me what I did wrong (Y/N). Help me understand what I did wrong. P-please, come back to me. I need you, please c-come back.” I let gravity take over, allowing my body to slump to the floor. Shutting off all connection to the real world as I curl into myself. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please, please let me know what you think!!! I have outlines for other parts done, let me know what you might want added! :)


End file.
